There was a time when I could not see beyond today. "Helpless" and "hopeless" were on the tip of my tongue at every minute but I was afraid to say these words lest they be true, which I suppose is another way of saying, I had some hope. However, I was having an awful time getting to tomorrow, or even, tonight. Michael called me his "weepy wife" and that I was.
I believe the combination of 80 mg of Prozac, two years of very, very intensive therapy and one husband trying his damnedest to be as supportive as anyone can possibly be who doesn’t understand what the fuck is going on with his wife, brought me through to today.
Today, I can manage a hundred things at once. Today, these things include:
1. managing to get incredibly tedious regulatory work done for 8ish hours a day.
2. Getting phone calls from my darling sister who I adore more than I ever thought I could and looking up things like Braxton-Hicks contractions
3. Planning said sister’s baby shower
4. Making bedding for said sister’s baby
5. Going to therapy once a week
6. Keeping a blog (and fairly well, I might add!)
7. Keeping my wonderful husband in Oreos and beer
8. Going to Stitch n’ Bitch twice a week and involving the new member du jour in the festivities
9. Getting this damned secret present finished before a certain date
10. Putting up and managing the UCLA CARE Center website
11. Encouraging my friends in all of their joys
12. Trying desperately to comfort my friends in their heartbreaks
13. Getting ready to buy a house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (there aren’t enough exclamation points in the world)
Any one of these things might have sent me over the edge back then. They all (and a few more) seem to be fitting in with my life just smashingly.
Last night Michael and I had another serious discussion about home purchasing. I can reach out and touch it now. I am ecstatic. And I can see nearly forever.
I believe the combination of 80 mg of Prozac, two years of very, very intensive therapy and one husband trying his damnedest to be as supportive as anyone can possibly be who doesn’t understand what the fuck is going on with his wife, brought me through to today.
Today, I can manage a hundred things at once. Today, these things include:
1. managing to get incredibly tedious regulatory work done for 8ish hours a day.
2. Getting phone calls from my darling sister who I adore more than I ever thought I could and looking up things like Braxton-Hicks contractions
3. Planning said sister’s baby shower
4. Making bedding for said sister’s baby
5. Going to therapy once a week
6. Keeping a blog (and fairly well, I might add!)
7. Keeping my wonderful husband in Oreos and beer
8. Going to Stitch n’ Bitch twice a week and involving the new member du jour in the festivities
9. Getting this damned secret present finished before a certain date
10. Putting up and managing the UCLA CARE Center website
11. Encouraging my friends in all of their joys
12. Trying desperately to comfort my friends in their heartbreaks
13. Getting ready to buy a house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (there aren’t enough exclamation points in the world)
Any one of these things might have sent me over the edge back then. They all (and a few more) seem to be fitting in with my life just smashingly.
Last night Michael and I had another serious discussion about home purchasing. I can reach out and touch it now. I am ecstatic. And I can see nearly forever.
Labels: Body Electric
Stumble It!
The story of Michael and me.
11 Comments:
That's so exciting!!! No more angry German neighbor!!
My respect for you is tremendous...you decided to stop using your own brain to change your life (which made little sense since it was your brain that was struggling...) and got help. Your growing respect for yourself is a celebration to be with.
Your happiness is a direct result of your work and I love you for it.
You are also, just in general, the bomb....
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Hey...Charles is driving me nuts! I know enthusiasm is good, but he should really go thru proper SnB channels.
Anyhoo! Congrads on deciding to purchase a house! Best of luck to you. I hope we'll still have you in the local L.A. area!!!!
To mamajama - I love you too. I'm so excited that I'm at this place. I didn't know how I would ever get here. I give you many thanks my love.
To LAEll -
Of course I'll still be here!!!! What would I do without my girls? We're planning on Silverlake. I'll see you every Thursday night, as ever.
To Gwen - no kidding Woo Hoo Indeed!!!
Congratulations! You've come such a long way, and I'm truly impressed. My husband is battling his way out of some depressive depths- I hope he has as much success as you.
And I'm totally jealous about the house.
Dude; I'd be happy just to LIVE in a house, much less purchase one. Good for you. And Michael. I can't believe anyone can afford real estate in today's market.
Gods bless the SSRI's, huh?!
Gurl - Bless the SSRIs indeed. I don't know what I'd have done without them.
Susan - It took time, a ton of effort and massive amounts of being sick of being sick. It also took a bit of playing with my meds. I look forward to good news about your husband.
f.
Wow... a real house? with a real yard? i'm so happy for you .. and a bit jealous too
I've been reading your blog for a while now.. But it isn't until now I decided to comment. Congrats on step on the house buying journey! It's exciting!! But most of all congrats on the progress of healing. It is hard work, but to be able to look back and see how far you have come is a true reward.
It sounds like a good life, a life that was worth fighting for - Good luck in finding the right house.
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