Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Passover redux
Last night was the first night of Passover. Seder with the family.

  • Two Grandmothers
  • One grandfather
  • One grandmother’s husband
  • mother
  • father
  • sister & niece
  • Mother’s first cousin, her husband and two children
  • brother (whose shirt had a collar!) and his girlfriend (who wasn’t wearing a PVC corset!)
  • Aunt & uncle (who are frankly, a little creepy)
  • 2 first cousins
  • One daughter of first cousin

I believe that is a grand total of 92 people. At least it seemed like it. I'm pretty sure I left out a few people. Elijah would not have fit at the table if he hadn't eaten in 5768 years. Ha ha. Jew joke.

I think about 67 of them asked how much weight I’ve lost and how I did it.

What is the recipe for this disaster?

First put at least 8 narcissists into a room with one 94 year old woman with Alzheimer’s disease and a 6 month old child who is teething. Add 3 other children under 12 and a haggadah. Try to keep them all quiet when reading the story of how Moses (oh Moses! Moses!) led the Jews out of slavery.

There you have it. The festival of dysfunction that is my family.

Favorite quote of the night: “When’s dinner and why aren’t there any crackers!?” from the 94 year old grandmother during the reading of the four questions. Very loudly. Maybe screaming.

Ma nishtanah ha’mishpacha hazeh mikol ha’mishpachot.

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5 Comments:

Blogger Ellen Bloom said...

Oh yeah....I hear ya Sistah! We had 22 at our Seder and it seemed like 52 people! Oy double vey.

We all have serious A.D.D., so I compiled a shortened version of the Haggadah. Let me know if you want a copy!

Blogger Faith said...

There's actually a 2 minute haggadah that's pretty damn funny on Slate.com. I think I might print that one out for next year.

Blogger Marg B said...

I don't know a single Jewish person who comes out of Pesach without at least "You wouldn't believe what happened at our Sedar this year" tale. It is part of the tradition!

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

True story - when I first saw the title of this post, I thought it said "Passover reflux", which would have been kinda funny.

Blogger Lisa said...

I had to look up the pvc or pcv (whatever) corset reference - I didn't know what it was. In NYC, in the Summer every year, we have that - the young women with their belly buttons showing and their breasts sticking out. Personally, I think that it's disgusting and animal-like. It suggests something crude and aggressive. That's my opinion. I prefer Jeans and t-shirts. I assume your future sister-in-law is dressing this way to keep your brother interested and that once she's married, she'll be wearing schmata's(sp.). She won't need to make such a big effort any more. Maybe they know instinctively if they don't do this now (when they're young) with their crazy wardrobes(cause there is so much competition out there) - that down the road they'll be lonely. The other option, that some of them do to close the deal with the man is to get knocked-up on purpose. My parents went to a Seder where my mother's cousin's son's fiancee(of another faith) sat on his lap all during the Seder. Which is obviously in bad taste, and makes people uncomfortable, but I guess that she did not care which may suggest sociopathic traits. If I had gone there, I would've pulled out a chair for her and said, "Sweetheart, plop your ass on this!"

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