Thursday, July 12, 2007
Not for the squeamish
You've been warned!

I never really have had a squeamish bone in my body. I gave myself injections starting in 8th grade. I've seen the insides of all kinds of things but these days...well, let's just say, the more disgusting, the better.

Friday I got all inked up. Let's just say, it's a pretty large space. As of Monday it started getting itchy. Of course, I have to share this with Michael, who does actually get a little nauseous when I start talking about the Faith jerky flaking off all over the house. Sorry honey!

The really gross stuff started when I started working in the HIV industry. My office mates were always talking about their rashes and diarrhea. I was teaching groups of volunteers how to comfortably talk about fisting on the Hotline. It was all fun and games I tell ya.

Anyway, on Tuesday, I made an unannounced visit to my old lab group. They happened to be in the middle of a video conference call. I was invited in for a peek.

My old group does research on rectal microbicides. The leader of this group, Dr. A, is an incredibly sweet, very attractive and charismatic man. Patients get crushes on Dr. A, while he is looking up their asses with a flashlight. That is how cute he is.

One night about 6 years ago I was at a fundraising dinner with Dr. A. He was presenting to donors about his latest research. He had a slide show. I hadn't seen the slide show before he presented it. It started out just fine. There were data. Charts. Dot plots. Bullet pointed goals for the research. Then there was the slide of a normal vs. a diseased colon. During dinner.

Now, this would not phase a group of researchers at all but these weren't researchers.

I swear to god I heard gagging.

There are other people in this world that don't want to look inside another person's ass while they are chewing on their chicken marsala. This was news to my sweet Dr. A. I love this man. I made him promise to never show colonoscopy slides during dinner ever again. Under any circumstances.

So Tuesday, I happened to pop in during a conference call. The latest research seemed to be going well and so they were talking about moving up to a Phase II trial. Phase I trials are exclusively safety and so they are always done in so-called normal participants. For instance, if you have an HIV drug, you give a small dose to "healthy" non-HIV infected volunteers first to see what it does to them. If there aren't any hideous side effects or adverse events, you can usually go on to dosing trials and trials where it is used in the population it was intended for. Blah blah blah blah blah blah.

This trial was for a rectal microbicide so it was being used in people who weren't regularly using their rectum for sex but they were moving into Phase II trials where it would be used in frequent douchers.

Can I tell you how much I miss my old group. I miss talking about frequent douchers. I miss talking about the difference between gloopy and drippy. It's true.

It may be wrong, but it's true.

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9 Comments:

Blogger geogrrl said...

Heheh. I looove that story. Like you, I don't have a squeamish bone in my body, and like Dr. A I've tactlessly started talking to a group/individual about something gross. It's only after a few minutes when I notice they're looking greenish that I remember not everyone is non-squeamish.

Blogger Heather said...

Faith-
I'm with you too...thought about being a doctor but didn't want to be in school my whole life so I taught school instead. I'm thinking that I might be an EMT in my next life...you know...after the kids grow up.

I'm sorry you miss it.
-Heather

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Okay - stupid question time: So, does a "frequent doucher" mean someone who *does* use their rectum for sex? Just so I'm clear on the jargon.

You'll miss your old friends, sure, but it's purty nice in your fancy-pants office {{so. . . tempting... must not make...}}ORIFICE!

[Sorry it slipped out because I am a 16 y/o boy]

But it's nice you can go back and visit and be welcomed like an old friend.

Blogger Orangeblossoms said...

this was great! Love the way you told the dinner story. I get it, too... the Man and his doctorness sometimes forgets that not everybody wants to hear about puss filled wounds at dinner. Ya know?

Blogger Jeanne said...

Horse people do the same thing when they get together. They talk about poop as well as extremely gory details about their horse's injuries while happily munching away. It's enough to make one start a diet by proxy.

Blogger WineGrrl said...

Sounds like an interesting job.

Blogger MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

You've been warned: http://www.knbc.com/slideshow/news/13679015/detail.html

Ah call zees "unnatural selection". :)

Blogger carrie said...

You know you're totally immune when you go to a lunch seminar on food poisoning. That was...appetizing. After a while, it's just office talk.

And no, your blog didn't make me squirm in the least.

Blogger Pavlovna said...

um, this is hilariously hilarious. i nearly peed myself.

sweep up the Faith jerky, though, will you? =)

love, pav

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