Thursday, April 24, 2008
Day 4 - Enduring love
Not the creepy Ian McEwan novel.

But honestly, my mind isn't on today's meditation. It's not on love or how long it lasts, or doesn't last, how to make it last. My mind is focused elsewhere.

Getting around to a meditative practice is HARD WORK!

I work all day, I want to go to Stitch n' Bitch tonight. I have about 30 errands to run and I am desperately trying to figure out how to have free clean dirt (about 18 cubic yards worth) delivered to my backyard. Not to mention 480 square feet of sod for cheap. Then I am looking forward to baking 2 gigantic cakes for this weekend and a panel I'm on next Thursday at Cal State, Northridge.

I'm definitely not concentrating on love and the endurance it takes to maintain it. But I guess that's the whole point, isn't it?

Then again, isn't part of this about loving myself?

I have a pretty hard time with that whole concept. It seems so crunchy. Yet, everyone in my recovery seems to focus on learning to love myself. Learning how to treat myself with kindness, and not just when I've done something that I can be proud of, but -- and maybe especially -- when I've made a mess of things, or haven't quite stuck to my good intentions.

So today, I'm focusing on loving myself, despite my mistakes. Which is a good thing, since I'm having quite a day.

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3 Comments:

Blogger Jeanne said...

And that, Faith, is what enduring love is all about. Loving despite the mess. Loving through the mistakes.

thinking of you with lots of love,
jeanne

Blogger woolanthropy said...

I just read about omer on your blog. I love the Omer. My question is, is it really about being a "better" human or about embracing being human? In any meditation practice you have the chance to be the observer of your thought processes and to realize that beyond the monkey mind/inner critic/endless chatter is the ever present enduring love and connection to all things. Sometimes the lower preoccupations get in the way with the higher awareness but it is always there to tap into. I stumbled onto this quote the other day.

"Yes, I do have a personal practice...Sometimes I forget my practice and start doing bizarre and strange things like meditating or following my breath. But the practice that I am really committed to is living ordinary human life" -Arjuna Nick Ardagh

Love and Light,
Natalie

Blogger twinsetellen said...

Thank you for this series of posts. I plan to make stopping by a daily ritual.

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