Friday, August 31, 2007
The Republicans are coming!
Someone get a rag!

Representative Mark Foley (R-FL) came to his career climax last September for sending sexually explicit messages to "at least" one underage male page. Newsweek called it a slew of e-mails. Apparently his homosexuality was "the worst kept secret in Washington." The creepy old guy preying on young male pages. Not really homosexuality, really more of a pedophilia. Underage boys are off limits. How difficult is this, especially since he spoke out frequently against child-predators. Something about the lady protesting too much, Mark....

Ted Haggard
came next in November 2006. Regularly chiming in to the Bush administration as an adviser of some sort, he first denied, then admitted, then denied, then denied part but admitted to some of the accusations that he had sex or a massage or something icky by a male prostitute that may or may not have involved crystal meth. What exactly were you advising the Bush administration to do Reverend Ted? Safe PnP? Of course he is "completely heterosexual now, so I suppose that means his wife is now having to put up with his crystal dick...

Senator David Vitter (R-LA) - On his website he promotes "advancing mainstream conservative principles." However, his name appeared on the list of clients of the "DC Madam" Deborah Jeane Palfrey. Despite apparently receiving forgiveness from God and his wife, his endorsement of Giuliani doesn't quite hold the conservative water it used to...as far as I'm concerned the fact that this guy liked women above the age of consent makes what he did only obnoxious and not repulsively criminal.

Representative Bob Allen (R-FL) - McCain's Florida campaign chairperson offered to perform oral sex on a plainclothes police officer in a public park restroom. He also offered $20 for the opportunity. The best part? I'm not joking now, on his government website it lists his interests as "watersports." Could the irony possibly get any thicker!!!? Longer!!!? Hotter!!!?

Yes! He is quoted in the Orlando Sentinel as saying that the event "is an ugly and unpleasant situation that has been thrust upon me and my family." He he. He said thrust. Also, Bob is the author of one "Lewd Or Lascivious Exhibition Act" which would have made public masturbation in the presence of another adult illegal, whether the other adult consented or not. (Hat tip to JoeMyGod.) Hmmmm. Doth protest much, Bob?

Meanwhile, in Nevada, the Chairman of the Clark County Republican Party, Glenn Murphy, Jr. resigned a month ago while being investigated for "alleged criminal deviate conduct" that occurred on July 31, 2007. He was accused by a 22 year old male of performing an unwanted sex act on him while he was sleeping. Murphy maintains the sex act was consensual. This may or may not be true, however, Murphy was investigated in 1998 for a similar unwanted sex act on a 21 year old. While he was sleeping...

This is starting to sound oddly familiar. Horny, repressed Republican can't seem to find legal, consensual ways to get rocks off so he sees an opportunity and takes advantage despite being caught 10 years earlier doing the same thing.


Senator Larry Craig (R-ID) - Oh, Larry... What can I say. You are last, but by no means least. I mean Christ on a cracker dude. What the hell were you thinking? I can't tell you how happy I am to hear you're not gay but I'm wondering about this peeking into bathroom stalls business. Just curious. Not to mention the previous investigations for the same crimes. What gives?

In all seriousness, one has to note the greater problem here. I'm not one to preach on sex (anymore), but I have to say that men hooking up...not a bad thing.

Hooking up in a bathroom where other people are just trying to have a pee between flights? Not so great. It's annoying to others, or so I hear. I've never had the pleasure of visiting a men's bathroom in an airport, but seriously, I can't think of less sanitary, smellier place. Maybe in the NYC subway system, but I think they've closed all the restrooms there.

Hooking up in a bathroom while voting against everything that gives people who do what you want to do out in the open. Really fucking repulsive. Not to mention, stupid.

There have been plenty o' sex scandals in among the Dems (do I really need to list them all?), but the Democratic party isn't calling themselves the Conservative Values party. They're not pining for courtrooms to have copies of the 10 Commandments or voting for amendments to ban same sex marriages (for the most part). This hypocrisy is what makes this so easy (and fun) to trot out on the late night TV shows.

Get your freak on guys. But if you weren't hiding your freak, you wouldn't be getting busted for it. Just sayin'.

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7 Comments:

Blogger WineGrrl said...

What gets me is that these gentlemen (for want of a better word) are old enough to know better....

Blogger WineGrrl said...

I hope you are healing fast and feeling better, by the way.

Blogger Orangeblossoms said...

Most excellent post -- I agree. Enough with the not practicing what they proclaim. Enough already-- and guys, if it feels good DO IT. Just don't tell other people they can't!

Blogger fathima said...

the title for this post is so ... underhand, ahahah.

Blogger adam said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

I found you through Crazy Aunt Purl and love this post! Absolutely classic! Thanks for succinctly and eloquently stating this hypocrisy.

Blogger Catherine said...

This is one great post. As for Craig, I particularly loved the hecklers at his news conference Saturday. AHAHAHA. Awesome.

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