Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Carnival of the Liberals #50!!!!!
My sincere and pathetic apologies to the estate of Edgar Allan Poe


Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious blog of liberal lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As if some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember, year 2000 month November,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From CNN, surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Al Gore -
For the bold and brainy candidate whom the angels named Al Gore -
Nameless here for evermore.

And each sad flickering account of the horrors of miscount
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I blocked the cheating
Noting: 'Tis some visitor screeching hyperbole at my chamber door -
Ann Coulter entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'

Shakespeare's Sister trolls the mire; and annoyance turns to ire,
`Damnit,' said I, `Madam, truly your abrogation I implore;
But the fact is I am a Jew, and offended at your world view,
And so please woman I ask you, leave evangelistic leanings at the door,
Though I tried to ignore you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, The Whited Sepulchre, clearing,
Up the dogma that surrounds her bleating drama I abhor
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken were the whispered words, `Media whore!'
”Ann?” I whispered, and an echo murmured back the words, `Media whore!'
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
I sat down to o’er The Primate Diaries pore.
`Surely,' said I, `surely Eric knows that these comments are barbaric;
Let me see then, the hysteric, and intelligent design explore -
Hypocrisy he has chosen as his writing chore; -
'Tis the truth and nothing more!'

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped Greta Christina of her self-named blog before
Not the least obeisance makes she; not an honor played she;
But, anger did display she for the honor of the atheist does she implore -
Over fifty reasons she gives for the atheist to stand for
All of that, and a little more.

Greta continues in beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
Of the thought of epidemic through the decades I sailed past its ghastly shore,
`Though thy memory is not past, thou,' I said, `I come to lambaste
HIV denial leaves me aghast wondering what it all is for -
Tell me how many need to wither and die before!'
Quoth denialists, `Clearly, more.'

Much I marvelled next quite vainly at Fred who spoke not plainly,
Reported by Abyss to Hope – she, prudery does deplore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with abstinence being any way to score -
Abuse can be countered teaching sex education and rapport,
This the parties should explore.

Then Jon Swift, sitting lonely on the outskirts, spoke only,
Of that Frost boy, as his need for SCHIP he did cry for.
On a radio address he uttered – conservative blogs were all afluttered -
Till Limbaugh merely muttered - Children have been used before -
As suicide bombers in the East children have been used before
Then I fell straight to the floor.

Startled as I did awaken by No Right Turn I was shaken,
New Zealand a land I have rare dwelled on before
A new law did they pass just meant only to harass
Tourist, travel’r and alas even residents must pay for this new war -
The scourge of hidden terrorist on which we blame this war
That is fought on distant shore.

But the story still beguiling my sleepy brain into smiling,
Straight I found a cushioned seat at computer to explore;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to thinking
Larry Craig must be drinking, to stand upon the Senate floor -
I gleaned from Evolution…not just a theory anymore
On his restroom paramour

To keep us engaged in guessing, while voters are expressing
Either move on or vote a Democrat to Idaho’s floor;
This and more I sat divining, as carnival spots I was assigning
When I notice who’s been pining for the Republicans of yore,
Those small government Republicans with family values of yore
It’s Dr. Biobrain galore!

`Prophets!' said I, `all among you! - prophet still, if dark or pale blue! -
I present the best of those submitted to this humble door
Tired yet all undaunted, just a democrat we wanted -
By Florida we’re still haunted – these are truly the hardcore
These 10 blogs are all worth looking through and more
And now I hit the liquor store.

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Monday, October 15, 2007
Ookie, Spooky and Kookie


It's a spooky Edition with ghosts and ghouls
Filled with shrieks and terrors and creeping fools
All the uglies will be doing a Hallowe'en dance
Whilst Senator Craig demonstrates his stance

Zombies crawl from their decrepit graves
As Cheney ascends from his labyrinths of caves
The AG will be there, his eyes a bit shifty
So join me here for Carnival of the Liberals #50!


The Carnival is on October 24, which means, get your scariest, ugliest, most horrifyingly gruesome posts up at the submission boneyard by Saturday, October 21st.

  • I'll look at anything.
  • I'll read it if you've got a scythe-sharp liberal mind.
  • I'll select the 10 spookiest posts.
  • I'll see y'all in hell....

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Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Carnival of the Liberals #38
While the hills around me burn and it looks as if the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse might ride from the billowing smoke....I bring you Carnival of the Liberals #38

The freak show will now begin. It's heavily slanted toward the tragic circus that is the aftermath of the Virginia Tech shooting but it's profound stuff and gets a little deeper into the background than CNN or the other news networks.

Then we'll lighten it up. I promise.

To begin..........

He's black!
He's gay!
He's a Buddhist!
He's a dad!
He's the reason journalists are afraid of bloggers with press passes...
It's Republic of T! where Terrance makes the connection between school shootings and fag-baiting. Deep within each of these school shooters is a kid who needed to prove that he wasn't queer and outside of them is a bunch of other 15 year old assholes who seem to think that calling a kid "faggot" is kewl.

In the next tent, Terrance liberally quotes Michael Kimmel's article on Masculinity as Homophobia and makes the connection between the entitlement felt in being a white, heterosexual male and how the privileges ain't what they used to be.

In the third of this trinity, Terrance tells it like it is. It is that a lot of our boys are hearing the message that they are expected to "take it like a man." And men don't take it (get fucked) or else they're pussies, faggots, girls. Nevermind that everyone has their limits. Conservatives are bemoaning the "wussification" of America while their sons are picking up Glocks and proving their masculinity.

All in all, it seems like the females in this tent are being...screwed.

Then, The Richmond Democrat makes it easy for me with a beautiful segue. TRD shows graphically that Neal Boortz is not just a boor but a complete and perfected asshole (no offense to actual ass holes), believing the aforementioned wussification of Americans prevented students and professors at Virginia Tech from knowing how to defend themselves against the shooter. Neal. Dude. Between us. I'm not saying you have to be a big bleeding hearted liberal but compassion...look it up in the dictionary.

And since were going down this road, Little Miss Know it All at Truth in Politics sums it all up. We're looking for someone to blame it on and folks, it ain't gonna be as easy as a quick nip/tuck.

Now for a little fun. Come inside and see what freaks of nature lie in wait...

Ahh. See Barry at Staring at Empty Pages. You have never seen the likes of him! He is wild! If you aren't careful he will scare the horses! Protect your children as he parses Terry Gross' interview with George Tenet on NPR. Shield your eyes as he reminds us that Tenet is not the Joe Briefcase he is making himself out to be.

Over on this side of the ring is the Greenbelt. He is indeed freakish as he thinks Wolf Blitzer maybe should not have let Secretary Rice get away with dodging questions about Iraq. Also, maybe he shouldn't have laughed when she plugged a book she has yet to write.

Now ladies and fellas come right up close here for a look as thinkbridge shares the Top 10 Lies about Liberals. A few of them touch on how "soft" we are (see faggots, pussification above).

You'll have to see it to believe it, but apparently Karl Rove is an Atheist and Atheist Revolution shows it all! I'm not sure, but this may just be the freak we don't want to see.

Finally, don't leave the carnival until you check out this anatomical wonder! First Zombie, Laura Bush, tells Ann Curry that "no one suffers more than their president and I do when we watch (coverage of Iraq)." You'll be amazed as Mad Kane brings us sweet song stylings in her Serenade for the First Sufferers.

Thank you for showing up. I'm honored to have you in my humble (and thoroughly wussified) abode.

The next Carnival of the Liberals is hosted by Bora at A Blog around the Clock on May 23. Submit!

Now, back to your regularly scheduled fire watch. (Photos courtesy of the Los Angeles Times)

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Step right up!
As a prelim for tomorrow's Carnival of the Liberals hosted at this humble blog, I bring you a little fun (scary and creepy though it may be):

I've posted about purity rings and the creepy and slightly incestuous abstinence balls, Laurie has even posted about having been asked to sign her very own coochie over to the Lord.

This stuff is crying - nay, screaming bloody murder for satire. There are some clever liberal artists out there who have put me to shame. Oh, if only I could be this imaginative.

An old favorite - she's been around since forever and she's damn near a juggernaut. If you don't know her already, go visit Mrs. Betty Bowers - after all, she is America's best Christian and the epistle of shameless schadenfreude. She's so close to Jesus, they're thinking about taking separate vacations this year.

Then, relatively new to the scene is Sex is for Fags and it's sister site Iron Hymen. Making me laugh out loud for hours.

Muffy writes that: "OHMIGOD, like, Iron Hymen taught me to respect myself way too much to ever let some hairy creep hock man-lugies on my Godly cervix like it's some gross subway platform!"

Then, sponsored by DIEBOLD and God himself - The WhiteHouse. Where Christian kids can find out, "Does Jesus watch me go poopy?" and Laura Bush explains "pseudoscientific flapdoodle" like stem cell research.

It makes me laugh, it makes me cry. It makes me want to buy out the gift shop.
I'm just not this lucid or there aren't enough daylight hours for me to be this clever. But I'm glad someone is!

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Thursday, May 03, 2007
Carnival of the Liberals Announcement

Calling all of you bleeding-hearters, tax-n’-spenders, unwashed hippies, pot-smokin’, limousine-riding, immigrant hugging, Clinton-lovin’ freaks out there. It’s time for another CARNIVAL OF THE LIBERALS!!!

The Carnival of the Liberals has come to That is so queer... for the 38th edition. Great, a queer Jewess living in Los Angeles. Figures.

Anyway, search yourselves for the best and brightest writings your sexy, ingenious, open-minded brains can manage. If there ever was a time for the freak show that is liberal outrage -- seriously folks, it’s right about now.

Submit your entries here by Monday, May 7th at 11:59 p.m.

Then I, the ringmistress, get to choose the 10 best out of all of your entries.

Control. Mmmmm.

Delicious.


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