Wednesday, August 17, 2005
A few of my #@*%ing favorite things
Those of you who know me, know that I have a potty mouth. It's really nasty. It's probably from having my mouth washed out with soap when I was just a wee Faith. Things like that tend to only enhance one's innate need to say dirty words.

Anyway, dirty words are in our vocabulary for a reason. They are so descriptive. I, for one have no desire to clean up my language.

However, I believe we all need to get more creative with our curses. There are so many more creative and fun words than fuck. I mean how run-of-the-mill is that. I like it when potty words are creative and so in the spirit (but not the letter) of James Lipton and the Proust questionnaire, I thought I'd share some of my favorite creative curses.

1. Craptastic - this word makes me smile. It's the perfect word combination for something that is fantastically crappy.

2. For fuck's sake - this is one of the many phrases I picked up in my time at AIDS Project Los Angeles. It's the best way I've found to express my utter dismay. i.e. Your sister got pregnant at 19 and is getting married two months before your wedding that you've been planning for a year. "Oh, for fuck's sake!!!"

3. Christ on a cracker! - Blasphemous, I know, but alliterative.

4. Shithowdy. Shithowdy sounds so down home and welcoming. Perhaps it's the howdy part. It makes you sound so glad to see someone, yet with the word shit.

Now it's your turn. Tell me what your favorite curses are and we'll all contribute to a more creatively cursing nation (as if that's what's wrong with our nation today. Denial much???)
Stumble It!


Puuuuudding pop.

Sorry, couldn't resist. Yes, it's still like that. Okay, seriously. For Fuck's Sake, that's a favorite of mine too.

1. "Oh sweet creeping zombie Jesus." which translates roughly to "for fuck's sake" but is possibly less offensive unless you work for the salvation army like my mother in law, in which case, hide the soap.

2. My favorite thing to call someone is "fuck muppet." as in, "Bob is a real fuck muppet today, bless his heart." or "Sweet creeping zombie jesus, lady, what are you, some kind of fuckmuppet? PUT THE PHONE DOWN AND DRIVE! no, no do not, DO NOT pick up that mascara wand. Oh for fuck's sake." Can also be used as an active word. "Have you ever seen such fuckmuppetry, excluding the 405?"

3. Arse Marmot/ arse marmotry. Slightly less bad than the fuckmuppet but still annoying. Something along the lines of beaurocratic inanity. "There is arse marmotry afoot down at the DMV. I highly recommend going to the Pigly Wiggly for a bag of pork rinds, before you get in line."

And don't forget the pudding pops.

Anonymous Ellen B. said...

Well, the other day I used the term "EFFING" while commenting on Crazy Auntie's blog. Being a lady, I find this a refined way to curse. Purlie loved the term and has decided on propriety and will use it in the future for the "F" word, since her parents often monitor her blog.

Anonymous Julia said...

Personal Favorite -- Fuck a duck. Or, if I am pulling out the big guns, Fuck a Fucking Duck -- but only when the situation calls for it. You need to be careful when you chose to use that one. Only for good, never for evil.

The term asshat has also been growing on me lately. Its so much more creative than your run of the mill asshole. And bastard -- as you know -- is a perenial favorite of mine. ;)

Blogger Sara said...

"Butt-Fuck-Nowhere" To describe a location that is deep in the heart of somewhere you don't want to be.

Blogger K8 said...

Butt fuck dawn (BFD) - the time I had to get up to make it to calc class on time

Absofuckinlutely - really, really definitely

Smurf - a la Family Guy "Dude, Smurfette just totally smurfed me. It was smurfin' cool. Smurf yeah!"

Back asswards - how we do things at work

Oh sugar! - heard down the hall freshman year from a very conservative poli sci major. I'm still laughing.

And, less creatively, fuckity fuck - for the more musical days.

Blogger Darcy said...

I'm always throwing around Dumbass as there are so many driving these days!
No shit Sherlock is a good old one.
Shit on a stick, nice visual.
I still love for fuck's sake and always say it with an Irish brogue.
See ya tomorrow night at SnB.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Craptastic is one of my favs too.

Crapweasel isn't so much a curse word as it is fun.

But it is really in the delivery. If you just say fucker very deadpan and soft and slow, it works much better than a shout.

Jesus H. Christ. Still trying to figure out what the "H" stands for.

Also "rat's ass". A big favorite.

And if I am really steamed - shit piss fuck!

Blogger Faith said...

I'd love to know what the H stands for too!!! I'm thinking Harold, but I could be wrong. I love these!

I also forgot my sister's fave. Ass crack of dawn.

I always heard it as "Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ!" when I was growing up. Then my grandmother would look vaguely miffed and say "BILL!" at my grandfather in a censoring sort of way.

I guess he was the not for president Roosevelt.

Blogger Christie said...

'Ay Chihuahua'. That's one that I use at work to express my dismay at the lazy fuckers around me or the end results of the lazy fuckers actions.

'Bitches and ho's' is another that expresses my dismay, but at a group of people rather than a single person or event.

Anonymous laurie, who should be working said...

I'm also fond of "pinche" which is Mexican slang for ... well, anything effed up.

Like "PINCHE DRIVER! That was a no left turn lane!" or "You pinche madre!" which sort of means... you effing dumbass no-good estupido.

Literal translation of madre is of course "mother" but down south madre can also mean all kinds of things. "Pura madre" means "awesome" whereas just "madre" can mean fuck you. Go figure.

Not that ya'll wanted the annotated history of border slang, but there you go!

Anonymous Peigi said...

I personally enjoy using asshat and cum-belching road whore. but that's a bit too colorful for everyday use. An exboyfriend's name was once replaced with the term fuckface which is also quite pleasing to the ear.

Anonymous shannita said...

OMG will pillage for yarn's comments made me laugh so hard that i almost had an accident - especially example #2! I love this post! Though my kid has me saying "oh poop" instead of cursing of late, I too have a potty mouth. Personally, my favorite phrase is "flying fratteling fuck," as in I don't give a fff, or I don't have a fff of a clue, or what the fff is your problem. It's very versatile. Best of all, I got it from my mom. She's cool.

And this isn't exactly a curse word, but if you say it just right, "freak" directed towards one who is being an idiot, paired with a look of complete disgust, is pretty effective. However, you run the risk of any kid in earshot picking it up and claiming it as their own.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pig Fucker is a favorite...I'm too embarrased to put my name! :)

Anonymous Brantlea said...

I too have a terrible potty mouth, thank god I don't live in Southern California now, it's MUCH more acceptable here than in the Midwest where I grew up. Mine came from my mother, her's is not as bad as mine but I think if you adjust for the time period (much like adjusting for inflation) hers is pretty potent.'s curse words and phrases

- arshlock - it's German for Asshole. My mom was an elementary school music teacher so she knows just enough of each foreign language to think she can speak it. She picked this up from a German coworker several years ago. It is mostly directed at the cat, Harlow, who does normal kitty things that can upset mom who is too high strung.

-Colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra- We're from Wisconsin, so this gets used A LOT. Like every day from October-May. Sometimes it gets abbreviated to "It's colder than a witch's tit"

-Shit, Piss, and Corruption! Said as one phrase, this means business. Not a good sign.

and one of my personal favorites, Jackass. Because there are so man of them...

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the "H" stands for Holy.
Jesus Holy Christ.

My favs -some of which I haven't used since high school... :



assclown, ass hat, ass monkey.

batshit crazy
big bag o' crazy shit
tits! (something good - haven't used it since high school)
ass slave
and I could go on for hours

Blogger JerZGirl said...

I've used "fuck a duck" myself, but I also altered it in mixed company to "Fuddle-dee-duck". I've been known to use "flippin'" (ala Napoleon Dynamite) - it's an all purpose Mormon cuss word. Variants include FLIP! and Flipper! (I'm a former Mo.)

Of course, there's always "What the Holy Hell???"

My neighbor/landlady often uses the traditional "Jesus Mary & Joseph". Her husband, however, makes full use of "fuck" during almost all occasions requiring anger.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

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