Do you have any Grey Poupon?

I went to Joann's etc. today.

Y'know how the corner market has like two brands of soap and the crappy ass generic ketchup that tastes like corn syrup with some tomato flavoring in it and then you go to the Ralph's Fresh Fare or the cool-ass new Pavilions pavilion and there's like 18 different brands of hand molded soap with ylang-ylang and oatmeal flakes and gourmet ketchup from 5 different countries and two American tomato farms with fresh basil and chunks of garlic? There's just no comparison right?

Yeah, well that's the difference between the crappy ass Joann's on Riverside and the Joann's etc. superstore in Porter Ranch. The Joann's on Riverside had like 6 Hallowe'en fabrics and each one sucked more than the previous. Their Hallowe'en decoration selection was, at its best, pathetic. A couple of dented candles, some of last year's stock of plastic pumpkins, a bag of styrofoam bones, a couple of tangled bat garlands and some autumn leaves...

Joann's etc. gives the full Hallowe'en crafting experience. I bought 4 different kinds of fabrics. One just because it was super cheap and cute. I don't even have a project planned for it. They had AISLES of Hallowe'en fabric and as I was checking out, there was more!

The patterns for costumes were actually out of the files on racks so they would be really easy to find. What a concept. I also found the tights that I needed, the fabric for my cape, 18 different kinds of tacky glue and some letter embossers that are going to look AWESOME for my new gravestones!!! Really, including fabric, the Hallowe'en stash at the Joann's etc. would barely have fit into the Joann's on Riverside. Two full aisles of costumes, one entire aisle of folksy Hallowe'en stuff and then candelabras, ribbons, trim, buttons, foam projects, Wilton baking accessories, molds, candies, sprinkles, three (3!) different types of witches brooms and a minimum of 4 witches hats! There were some super cute decorations and some candles that I would have bought were I rich and flush with cash but such is life.

I'll try to make it in on November 1 and see what's left over that I can pick up at a 90% discount.

I promise photos are coming of all of this but in the meantime, check out this cute top and matching purse I made for my niece. Cute, huh? It's a tank top but it was actually cold at the game so mommy put a t-shirt underneath. She's a big Dodgers fan. She also turned 3 last month and started preschool and is the 3rd tallest in her class!

Countdown to Halloween

OK - there's only 39 days until Hallowe'en and I've joined the Countdown to Halloween group which means one posting EVERY DAY throughout the month of October.

During this time, I will be not only turning our home into the creepy and haunted Landsman Castle, I'll also be attending a writing retreat in Upstate New York where I expect the autumnal changing of the leaves will be occurring. Therefore, there's a lot to write about and I'm looking forward to the challenge. In the spirit of the holiday upcoming, I bring you some of my very favorite Hallowe'en blogs. Please feel free to add your own in comments as I LOVE a good source of inspiration!!!

X-Entertainment - home contests, reviews and all things Hallowe'en

Grim Visions - This guy is an amazing artist and an incredible inspiration. He makes the most amazing creepy and scary life sized ghouls, monsters and other freaks and is an Etsy seller!

Orange and Black - is a great blog written by a guy named All HallowSteve! Love him!

Skull-a-day is not necessarily about Halloween but he does have some great skulls. Check it out.

Dave Lowe Design also has some AWESOME inspiration. How much do I wish I was this talented.

Alright. Send me your links. Need more braaains. More braaaains!!!

Craft Challenge

In the spirit of being ALL THE FUCK OVER THE PLACE on this blog, I have a challenge for y'all.

I have old wooden spools. 17 of them in various sizes. They were my grandmother's. I just can't seem to get rid of them despite my willingness to get rid of just about everything else, and I'd love to make something fun with them.

Guidelines:

• I'd rather not cover the advertising up as that makes them so special.
• Project can include drilling and other power tools as I am very into my power tools.
• Project must be something useful as well as decorative.

Submit your ideas by Friday, May 8th.

The winner (which I will pick based on my random tastes), will receive a yarn-a-licious gift. Mmmm. Yarny goodness.

Victory!

I haven't had a crafty post in quite a while so, here is the latest news.

It's 80 degrees F and gorgeous in L.A. with no reports of a cool down. Must be time to start planting!!!

Despite my backyard being a total disaster (my fault entirely), I am, as part of this weekend's MLK National Weekend of Service, going to do my part in making this a healthier earth by planting my very own victory garden!

I have Mel Bartholomew's All New Square Foot Gardening
for a guide. He's quite a "character", that Mel. I think in the south, they'd call him touched. I'd call him a total nutbag, but he has some great tips for raised bed gardening.

This weekend involves building the beds. I won't be following Mel's advice exactly because my existing beds will make excellent bases. Then next weekend, I will be adding Mel's extra special fancy recipe for soil. Over the year I plan to plant:

• Blackberries
• Carrots
• Cucumbers
• Lettuce
• Peppers
• Potatoes
  
• Pumpkins
• Strawberries
• Tomatoes
• Zucchini and whatever else seems fun at the moment.

In addition, I will be replanting some citrus trees that I have sadly neglected and thereby horribly murdered.

On February 1st, due to budgeting constraints this month, I will be purchasing this composter and making my own compost and compost tea!

Gardening appeals to me on a number of levels. I am crafty, but the crafts that appeal to me most are where something useful is created. Hence, my great love of knitting, crocheting and sewing hats, as all my Stitch n' Bitchers know.

I consider making fruits and vegetables grow out of the ground as supremely crafty. Not to mention, turning egg shells and coffee grounds into rich compost. That is some serious craft right there.

So, while I am still knitting, crocheting and sewing (btw - my serger is actually at the repair shop getting a spa mani/pedi and lube job!)

In addition to all of the love of having actual food growing in my back yard, the hard work of making it grow is something I have discovered in my two years in our new home. I really enjoy getting out into the dirt and the sun. I love getting into the shower afterward and watching rivers of dirt stream off me. Hard work on my land for such a great benefit is really quite fun and later in the spring I can have my niece and all of my other little faux nieces and nephews come over and help me pick the produce.

And now, a humorous intermission (possibly NSFW)

I have a great love of all things tacky.

I cannot display my love of kitsch in my home, however, because our home is the "oasis of zen calm™" among my friends and family, so I'm told. Therefore, I cannot display my crocheted strawberry pie, the standee of Lisa Simpson or any other finds that have tickled my love of a good piece of trash. The only exception to this is my grove of pink flamingos in the back yard.

However, one of the greatest parts of the intertubes is that you can see other people's collections of stuff that they make, collect or find on the street.

Crochet is the art of kitsch. Some of the most hideous outfits ever put to advertising were crocheted. Just check out Stitchy McYarnpants for proof.

I have been crocheting since I was about 7 or 8 years old and though I'm not as fast as Ellen (Queen of crochet), I daresay, I'm pretty good. The greatest part of crochet is that you can make just about anything and you don't need a pattern. Crochet a little here, a little there and you have a taco, bacon, or severed fingers.

As I hopped around the web looking for fun this week, I found is What Not to Crochet.

and this.


Hellllllllllllllllllp!!!! FFS! What were they thinking?????????

October!!!!!!

It is officially my favorite time of year.

• When my neighborhood starts the annual guessing game of who works at the best prop house, which neighbor is a sound engineer and which is an executive that has someone come from the studio to do all the decorations. (I'm telling you, the competition in my neighborhood is freaking fierce.)
  
• When I can eat all the pomegranates I can stomach
  
• When putting a hot pot of chili on the stove doesn't make me want to yak.
• When x-entertainment is having their Whatever-O'Lantern contest.
• When children run bawling in the aisles of Target because dad thought it would be awesome to scare the living shit out of his 4 year old. While mom has on her best, "What are you? A freakin' 12 year old?!" look. (saw it happen twice this weekend!)
• When it's time to start getting out saws and wood and carving tools to learn how to create a custom coffin because I can't find one cheap on Craigslist.

Hi honey! It'll be fun! Really! And then I'll have woodworking skills!

By the way:

This is a coffin = hexagonal

And this is a casket

Just in case you were wondering what the difference was.

I'm going to continue with my favorite Hallowe'en finds for the rest of the month because it just makes me giddy.

Um, a little overwhelmed

Yes, yes, I've been reminded by everyone and my husband that I haven't been posting regularly.

I'm really fucking busy, people!!!

Writing

• I just finished two writing classes which, on the whole weren't all that satisfying but definitely piqued my interest in taking more
  
• I am trying to be a halfway decent writing partner (at which I am failing MISERABLY)
• I am attempting to start my 4th rewrite on the book that will not die
• Wrote an article for Frontiers Magazine (pub. 8/14, I think)
• Currently the International AIDS Conference is occurring in Mexico City and I wanted to cover it but I only have so much brain/time
  

Designing

• I am decorating a two bedroom condo in Palm Springs (about which I am so excited I want to pop) which involves actually spending time in Palm Springs
  
• I have about 30 or so unfinished objects (UFOs) in my craft room that must be dealt with
• Ideally, over the summer I would have redesigned my website and moved it over to Wordpress but that didn't really work out
  

Biker stuff
I am working on the 50th anniversary gala of the Oedipus Motorcycle Club which includes:

• designing an art piece to be used as centerpieces
• learning to use an oxy-acetylene torch
• creating platters out of motorcycle parts
• baking and decorating 400 cupcakes
• designing and creating a leather flag
• creating 32 table runners
  
• trying to get gay men to sit down and keep on topic during a meeting
  

Wifely duties (HA!)

• We had some health and home issues last month. TGIAugust.
  
• Keeping up my end of the bargain
  

Work

• I have a full time job which I would love to keep
• I have interviewed 3 times for a job that I would love to have

So there. That is what I've been doing.

I am NOT complaining. Everything that I am doing I signed up for and I'm really quite excited about. I only wish I didn't have a full time job so that I could work on all of this fun stuff full time, but that's not the way it works in Casa Queer. Unfortunately, being a good blogger sorta got thrown under the bus too, even if I really, really, really want to be writing on here every day. Which I do. Swear to FSM.

Knitting gets into the act

Imagine this.

Barely able to keep himself aloft - a fat butterfly. This butterfly is so fat that every time he lands on a flower, he kills it.

Poor thin, graceful flowers.

Stupid, shameless fat butterfly. Go on a diet.

This is the latest pattern from Mochimochiland.

I love the Mochimochi patterns. Tubby and the raincloud are just adorable and there are no judgments about the size of the raincloud. There is no commentary on the width of the tub.

While a fat butterfly would have been fine, the need to make the dead flowers along with the pattern, the reckless killing of the flowers with it's enormous heft, which I'm sure is "just a joke" is just uncalled for.

Fat - in and of itself is not unhealthy. Take a look at this article for more information.

Every day, those of us with eating disorders fight an internal voice that tells us that any amount of fat is disgusting. It is a symbol of our laziness, our inability to control ourselves and our desires and so we starve ourselves, we throw up every ounce of nutrition we take in, in order to make ourselves societally acceptable.

Another, "just a joke", I saw recently was Robot Chicken's "rape ghost" skit. You know, the one where the "rape ghost" won't rape the fat girl. Cause she's fat - get it? Which is disgusting. I mean, who would want to commit sexual violence on someone who was disgusting? Funny on multiple levels, I know.

Because in our society, fat equals stupid, unhealthy, lazy people, lolling around on couches stuffing their faces with Twinkies and Snickers bars and if they would just get off the couch, eat a vegetable and walk around the block they'd be socially acceptable (and rape-able, I suppose). But for god's sake, if you choose to stay fat, don't sit on anyone - you might kill them. And then it's ok to make fun of you.

That's not how it works. But that's the message that we hear, isn't it?

Hallowe'en roundup

Hallowe'en was awesome. Everything I was hoping for and more.

I had a party during the afternoon at work for which I made the kitty litter cake. Total hit. In fact, such a hit that the daughter of the woman I sent it home with sent me back candy as a thank you. How's that for a hit!?

Michael and I came home early on Hallowe'en, put on our scrubs and lab coats. I stuck an Anatomy of the Brain poster in my front hallway so it was the first thing trick or treaters would see upon opening the door.

About 1/2 hour after sunset the first of the kidlets arrived. They kept on coming until about 9 p.m. I was already cleaning up. I think as the doorbell rang I heard Michael yell, "Those better be some damn good costumes to be ringing my doorbell at 9 p.m." Grumpy ol' grouch.

Anyway, in the hour before sunset I finished off the tombstones. The tombstones read,

Here lies Jeff - Quit talking about me!
(a phrase he frequently said)

Your Name Here

and

Christine Amen
(who was the lovely and talented but dearly departed alter-ego of my husband)

Then I lit candles on our mantle and set up the fog machine. I downloaded about 2 hours worth of really, really scary sounds off iTunes and set up the speakers in the front window.

Needless to say, we had a few young kids who were afraid to come all the way up to the door and some smart-assed teenager who I heard as he was coming up to the door, cough out "I have asthma." Duh. It's a fog machine kid, not a smoke machine. The wind was perfect so that we had the gauze curtains blowing in the light breeze and the fog would come out of the entryway in billows and then hang over the graveyard like I designed it that way...yeah...I designed it that way...!

Then on November 1st, we had the Stitch and Bitch dia de los muertos party. So fun!!! I went as La Calavera de la Catrina. I won the prize for the best dia de los muertos themed costume!!! Made the hat and shawl that afternoon with one trip to Michael Levine and some stuff I had in my craft room. I love CRAFTING! Not only that - I got the best damn bag in the whole world - handmade by Natalie! Woo hoo! (I'm the one on the left. Middle - Monkeygurl, Right - Crazy Aunt Purl - Photo credit L.A. Ell)

(P.S. I have to note that I have absolutely no makeup on my neck or chest. I am just that white. I am..."the whitest white girl in whitetown.")

Finally, I just had to share pictures of my niece on Hallowe'en. Oh my. She is just out of control cute!!! Baby Elvis has left the building!

Graveyards for Dummies, Pt. 2

ok -

So I started with

• 8x5 feet of polystyrene Insulfoam (Lowe's)
• wooden garden fencing (Lowe's)
  
• black felt (Michael Levine)
  
• plastic chain (Target)
  
• some skewers (had in my kitchen)
  
• a ton of gray and black spray paint (Michael's)
  
• some gauze (Michael Levine)
  
• one very large spider (50% off at Great Indoors)
• some foam craft letters (Target)
  
• Malibu solar lighting (Home depot)
• Solar flicker candles (I hope to find a better and more honest supplier before next year)
  

One great thing about the Santa Ana winds is that trees come down the weeks before Hallowe'en. This gives me plenty of opportunity to grab tree branches full of dead leaves and twigs for witches brooms and leaves for the graveyard. I take full advantage of the free stuff, yo.

Once the spray paint on the tombstones is dry, I used black foam lettering for the epitaphs. By the way, I didn't get nearly enough black letters and found that a little black acrylic paint adheres to the foam just beautifully - even over fluorescent yellow letters. You can't even tell they were yellow. There are some great epitaphs on the net - though I chose dead people I actually know. Way more realistic that way. Put the letters on before you stick 'em in the ground.

I inserted the skewers into the lawn (heavy duty ones are best) and then inserted them into the polystyrene tombstones. Trying to do it the other way will make you cry.

I stapled some gauze - which was heavily discounted due to holes (woot!!!) onto the beam above my front door for some curtains through which my treaters have to walk through. Muy scary!!! Then I took my 6 foot spider and staple gunned him to the outside of the house. He kinda freaks Michael out a little bit.

Next I took some felt and measured the mantle and the side windows seen below. Remember if you're doing two of something, especially symmetrical, just fold the fabric in half and then in half again. Just cut out the center and you have two perfect window silhouettes seen below. I did the same thing with the mantlepiece.

Now for the lighting. Solar is your friend. My house was built in 1951. I have no outdoor outlets so I got solar lighting and hid the lights behind the cheap tombstone I bought at Target to light up the others. Then I bought some solar flicker candles (loooong story) and hung them from the trees with heavy duty black upholstery thread. They look like they're floating in mid air. Spooky. Also, I can leave them on all the time and they don't wear out like battery powered candles would.

For the final piece, I have a bit of spider webbing which I will use SPARINGLY!!! and I'm going to hang some super light white threads in front on the door step so they tickle people's faces as they come up to the door (feels like a spider web!).

Here's the finished product.

Happy Hallowe'en!

Graveyards for dummies, Pt. 1

OK - so I've started my Hallowe'ening. It is undoubtedly my favorite holiday of the year.

1. I get to craft my ass off
2. I get to give away candy
3. I get to dress up
4. It's very morbid and dark (I was soooo goth in high school.)
   

Now that I have a house, all of this has been cranked up a notch or two.

No way in hell am I going to be that lame ass house that gives out pencils. I bought candy. Real chocolate name-brand candy. Ohhhhh yeah.

Of course, husband has been picking through the bags, so no doubt I'm going to have to go back to Tarzhay in the coming weeks.

Two weeks ago I pulled out every Martha Stewart Living October issue. Since I own every issue except the premiere, this was not an exaggeration (dirty little secret!!!).

I sat on my couch, post-its in hand searching for all of her best and creepiest ideas, because frankly, if Martha knows anything, it's how to do creepy.

I decided I would do graveyard this year.

First: purchase polystyrene insulation at your local building supply/garden store (OSH, HomeDepot, Lowe's, etc.). It comes in sheets of 8' x 5'.

An 8x5 foot sail is neither easy to get to the cash register nor into one's car. I broke it up into quarters in the parking lot. This is a very noisy activity (sounds a lot like a gun) but well worth it. (By the way, if there had been photos of me trying to get it to the cash register, they would have been priceless. Thank god the only cameras were store security and I'm sure they've seen worse.)

Trace out the shape of your tombstones. I looked online and found some awesome stones at this website. Also, just a google image search for gravestones is a great resource.

Polystyrene is very, very messy. Cut the polystyrene with a drywall saw. Quick and super easy. Cut out your tombstones in a place that you don't care about having little white styrofoam thingies all over (grammar much?). I worked in the alley behind my house.

Martha recommends using sandpaper to smooth out the edges once they're cut. Personally, I think leaving them a little raw looks more authentic.

We had some left over gray latex concrete paint from home improvement projects. It was perfect. Sponged it on with one of those loofah looking sponges. It dried quickly and very easily. You could leave it like that and it would look OK in the dark but you know I gotta go one or two steps further. I added stone texture spray paint in a gray stone. Perfection on a stick!

While all of this was drying, I got out the three rolls of flower bed fencing (had for 10 bucks also at Lowe's). I laid them out on the concrete also in the alley and took a can of black spray paint to them. I didn't get every nook and cranny because it actually looks a little more spooky sort of done haphazardly.

These dried super fast since it was a nice day and I only sprayed a thin layer of paint.

Next: decorations, epitaphs and setting up the boneyard!

Get your hair did and your craft on

I have been a total flake.

Sorry. (That's all the apology you're going to get.)

-----------------------------------

So, in the last couple of weeks I have found some new and noteworthy items that I just can't wait to tell you about.

First off is Frenchy's Beauty Parlor in Beautiful Downtown Burbank (thanks, Johnny, R.I.P.).

Here's the story.

It's Friday.

I'm annoyed that I have spent the entire damn day trying to convince "the bureaucracy" that two dying gay men won't get pregnant so I can get them drugs (I PROMISE GODAMMIT!!!).

I leave work.

I get into my fab-ass PT Cruiser and I am on Barham when I realize (not decide) I'm going to cut off all my hair.

I am on Olive Avenue when I realize I should have someone else do it for me and didn't I see that really freakin' cute pink beauty parlor on Magnolia only 1/2 mile from my house and catercorner to my fave bbq joint the famous (and independent) Handy Market?

I drive straight to Frenchy's.

I walk in and Striptease: From Gaslight to Spotlight is on the table.

They also have a stack of Barracuda magazine.

I am in the right place.

Every stylist in the joint has loads of ink, piercings and hair did to the nines - piled up chopped up ratted up pomped up.

One fab chick had cat-eye glasses, bright red hair in a big bouffy ponytail, a tattoo behind her ear and a lip piercing.

"I want her to do my hair!" went through my head but I didn't say anything because I had walked in and asked for someone (anyone!) to cut off my hair right NOW before I take my sewing shears to it.

Her name is Amber. She is smiling as she asks me to come have a seat. Yay!

Frenchy's is the only place I am ever going to have my hair did ever again and Amber is going to be the one to do it. Damn, is she awesome!

What a great place. Very friendly people, definitely not too cool to be nice, good prices, excellent cuts and fab reading material. What more could I possibly ask. Oh yeah - before your cut you have to pick out an essential oil for your scalp massage. Hea-ven.

Second.

Urban Craft Center. LOVE.IT. The place is owned by one very cool chick (whose name I cannot freakin' remember! Please email me your name!). I went for a Gocco class - just what I needed! A new craft!

Anyway, the owner and manager were super-nice. This is a very big deal because what often happens is people will open a yarn store or another cool idea and I can't wait to go spend all of my hard earned green there and they are craftier-than-thou with a really shitty attitude (no names/places mentioned). These girls are not at all like that. They are fun and really friendly without knowing that I'm the moderator of SnB or any shit like that.

Anyway, this class was awesome and I can't wait to sign up for more!

Here's a sample of the work I did.
SO MUCH FUN!

Anyway, I'm back from self-imposed exile. Yay!

By the way my mother-in-law reads this blog and as I'm writing about getting my "hair did" and my "fab-ass" car, I'm thinking about her and what she might think. She was a journalist and my slang must grind a bit.

Sorry Fayenola!

Congratulations Crazy Aunt Purl!

This morning Laurie finally announced that she is publishing a book. When I went on Amazon at 6:50 this morning, she was ranked at #613,499. By 10 a.m. she was ranked at #376.

Update: Now at #91!!!! Cracked the top 100!!!! Streamers!!!! Trumpets!!! Marching band!!!

Update #2: As of 2:15 p.m. she's at #47!!!! Cracked the top 50 books!!! Wow!

Wow.

This is the power that Time Magazine was talking about when they named You the person of the year. It used to be that you had to have money and/or connections to get published. You could have all the talent in the world but no one had access to you.

Today, the gifted among us are able to put their talent out there, get recognized and sell a billion books. Not everyone who has a blog has talent, but Laurie does and she deserves to be recognized. Apparently a couple hundred thousand people think the same way.

Congratulations Laurie! I am so thrilled to be along for the ride!!!!

.

A-Crafting we will go

I haven’t blogged lately about anything I’ve crafted up. Ever since we moved into the new house, I’ve been a-crafting. Not as much as I would like, but still – a-crafting. After all, I have my own a-crafting room! So exciting!

First off, I made curtains for our living room. They’re a beautiful silk dupioni backed in Kona cotton. They’re not hemmed yet but neither have we permanently hung the curtain rods – so I guess I have an excuse.

Second, this was crafty in a “there’s no freakin’ way I’m paying $50 to rent some nasty thread bare red carpet for the Oscars” so I went to Joann’s and with the remainder of a Hanukkah gift card, I bought 5 yards of red blanket fleece which I made into a red carpet. Then I put it in the washer and dryer and it’s fresh as a rose. Some people are getting very fun Christmas presents this year!!!

Third. I made this cowl for my trip to Banff. It was really, really easy. First, I did a 2 x 2 rib in the round with a doubled up yarn – one was Debbie Bliss Merino Aran, the other was something I got at a yarn swap. It was Cherry Tree Hill, but I have no idea what the yarn was made of. It was pretty and grey. I think I cast on around 140 on size 10s. After a while, maybe 7 inches (see how exact I am) I cast off two stitches and then went back and forth for maybe another 7 inches. Then I sewed the top up and I had a hooded cowl. Simplicity!!!

My projects on the docket are:

1. Finish Peigi’s birthday present – her b-day was January 1 but I was moving so I have a good excuse. Right?
2. Make curtains for my bedroom – easier said than done…I have not found the perfect fabric yet.
3. Hem the café curtains for our kitchen – easier done than said.
4. Make a long plaid skirt – which I have been wanting since I was in my very early 20’s. Think it’s about time?
5. Start the copy of the Calvin Klein sweater that I bought. It’s a great sweater, it fits really well but the arms are oddly short, not really short sleeved and not really long. Also, the band around the hip is not stretchy and therefore, less attractive than I would like. So, no pattern, just working it out as I go. I know, serious trouble awaits, but I’ll have fun with it nevertheless. Not to mention, I’m doing it in Misti Alpaca, which has to be the softest yarn in the whole wide world so how bad could it be?
6. Then, probably a hat. Because that is how I roll.

In a mood

No, not that kind of mood.

I visited the new Los Angeles branch of mood designer fabrics on Pico and La Cienega (which just happens to be on my way home from work. EVERY DAY.)

mood is the fabric store (and I use that term lightly) that the designers go to when they get a design project on Project Runway. Tim takes them all over to mood and has them spend 30 minutes in the aisles picking out fabrics. HA! HA, I SAY! 30 minutes.

I spent 45 there on Tuesday and I didn’t even buy anything. And don’t think that wasn’t a challenge. They have fabrics from Cavalli, Pucci and Marc Jacobs not to mention tons and tons of silks, tweeds, wools, a freakin’ ton of knits and then I started getting woozy and overwhelmed.

All of the staff seemed super nice and helpful and after I announced I was an amateur, they still were helpful. Which is a good sign because they might have just ignored me after that but then, they haven’t seen my fabric stash….It is not a good policy to ignore me.

I would say they have about the same amount of fabrics as Michael Levine (my Mecca). The only downside I can think of is that they have the fabrics stacked on shelves to the ceiling and therefore, I cannot touch and play with the fabrics way up there.

I’m tall. 6 feet in heels and there is a whole lot of very inaccessible fabric. Other than that, I will say, if I need fabric during the week. I’ll be found at mood.

I took photos but I haven't downloaded them yet...soon to come.

6165 W. Pico Blvd. LA 90035 – (323)653-MOOD (6663)

Fun with rectal mucosa

Laurie has created a monster. She taught me the basics of photoshop. Today, I took a rectal mucosa slide and I photoshopped it to create more mucosa. It was so much fun!!! I have also now photoshopped out dysplastic cells and started to learn how to smudge out my wrinkles (in photos of me, not my rectal wrinkles...!) So much fun!

The Word

In the style of Stephen Colbert, I bring you "THE WxRD"

Incipient Neocolonialism

Today is Day 5 of the International AIDS Conference held every other year in countries throughout the world. Oh, that's right, not ever in the U.S. because we have an idiotic law that states that if you have HIV you cannot gain entry to the United States, even if you are a tourist or business traveler.

We, along with Colombia, Eritrea, and Syria (A fine group of allies) are the only countries in the world to limit travelers with HIV from entering our borders. Over 150 countries have restrictions, ours and the countries above basically say, nope, not welcome here under any circumstances.

Is a woman with HIV coming to visit her family in this country going to increase our infection rates? No. Will keeping her out make ignorant Americans feel better about themselves? What do you think? See the UNAIDS Statement here.

In practice, no one is testing at our borders (hell, no one at our borders is doing much of anything useful). Plenty of HIV infected people travel in and out of this country every day for tourism, for business and for the White Party.

This may get more difficult as security gets tighter. Packing antiretrovirals (some of which come in gel capsules) in carry on luggage is going to be difficult, if not impossible. Sure, there are waivers but then you have to prove that the prescription is yours and if that prescription happens to be written to some damn Canadian or other foreign born soul...well, God help you.

Sure. You can pack them in your luggage and avoid the scrutiny all together. However, that means that when your luggage goes into airport purgatory and you are without your meds, that you MUST TAKE EVERY 12 HOURS, you're fucked.

Anyway, back to the conference. Stephen Lewis, the United Nations Special Envoy on AIDS in Africa, a man who seems, by all counts to know what the hell he's talking about, responded to our country's emphasis on ABC. Did you not know your ABCs?

Abstinence, Be Faithful, Use Condoms.

With a distinct emphasis on the A.

According to the Washington Post, "By law, at least one-third of HIV prevention funds countries receive through the President's Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief -- a $15 billion, five-year program -- must be used for abstinence-until-marriage and faithfulness programs"

Our U.S. AIDS Czar says that is untrue. He says that only 7% is going to abstinence programs. Hmmm. There seems to be an apples/oranges thing going on here. Or maybe a bowling balls/teapots.

So back to Stephen Lewis (thank you for saying the truth). This is his quote responding to our policies on stipulations for using U.S. aid.

"No government in the Western world has the right to dictate policy to African governments around the way in which they respond to the pandemic. That kind of insipient neocolonialism is unacceptable. ... We're saying to Africa: 'This is how you will respond to the pandemic,' and that's not appropriate because African governments are eminently capable of deciding what their priorities are and what the response should be."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the Word.

Take me out!

OK - last night was Stitch n' Pitch at Dodger stadium. Seriously.

"What do you mean Stitch n' Pitch?"

I mean 460 knitters and their 100 amused husbands and children all sitting in the stands working on socks, blankets, hats and other knitted, crocheted, embroidered and cross stitched paraphenalia. It was a freakin' blast. I found myself giggling at all of us constantly. I must have said, "This is so great!" about 100 times.

This photo is of only one section of the Stitch n' Pitch crowd.

The crowd seemed older than the every day SnB crowd - all the great ladies from Stitches from the Heart were there - but there were also your pink-haired tattooed freak knitters as well.

A huge group from WeHo went including Gwen, Lori, Sara 2, Ellen and lovely other half Larry who took tons and tons of photos, Mary Jo, Kathy, Abby and Jennifer. I know I'm forgetting people! Sorry!

From the Tuesday night "OG" group there was Allison, Jenny, Annalise, Teresa and her friend Bianca, Shannita, among others.

Everyone was so great. What a total trip.

The people who bought tickets around us, having no idea they were going to be surrounded by knitters, were understandably dumbfounded and most of them were mightily amused.

This is Stephanie - a Crazy Aunt Purl blogstalker. She recognized me from Laurie's blog. I'm famous! Stephanie knitted a cap with the Dodgers logo. Crafty Stephanie!!!








This photo is early - before the game started. I went to the bottom of the section we were in and had everyone yell "YARN!" I'm such a dork!


Oh and by the way the Dodgers played the Colorado Rockies and won 4-3.

This is in baseball.

The truth about everything...

Stitch n’ Bitch last night was quite the interesting mix of conversations. I wish I had written them all down!

There was a motorcycle outside for an extended amount of time revving his engine so we got onto the topic of motorcycles, which I love. We talked about Harley-Davidsons versus other motorcycles. I recently bought Michael a book called She’s a Bad Motorcycle, in which Sonny Barger, founder of the Hell’s Angels, sings the praises of Japanese made cruisers which don’t leak or break down constantly. In fact in one interview when asked what her would ride if not a Harley, he replied,

"I would probably ride a BMW or a Honda ST 1100. The Harleys are getting better every year, but they're still junk. I mean I bought my wife a brand new 2000 Dyna Glide Sport and it goes into a speed wobble at 85 and I've done everything that I can do to get it out. I'm a good mechanic, I've followed their directions, we took it their shop, they've done work and it still wobbles on her. The factory tells us to change the shocks. Now why should we buy a brand new motorcycle?"

We also talked about underwear choices. Apparently Angela and I are the only two people not wearing Victoria’s Secret in the whole wide world.

The question also came up as to why people wear underwear in their doctor’s office when the nurse has specifically told them to take EVERYTHING off and wear a gown.

Then we started into the most interesting discussion regarding our body consciousness. One of our members is an MD who said that she is constantly asked if things are too big, too small, too loose, too tight, too red, too white, too brown, or otherwise abnormal.

I imagine that I would have a better perspective on my own body if I was seeing all shapes and sizes every day.

Here in L.A., the first 25 pages of virtually every free rag are all about being pulled up, enhanced, decreased, puffed up, smoothed out, whitened, straightened, tightened and plucked. We are a city obsessed.

When I was in Europe and the Middle East, people looked their age. Women of 35 went out onto the beach in a bikini with cellulite and leathered skin. Men with gray hair and sagging breasts wore nothing at all. Not to say that there weren’t hot, fit men and women, but usually they were 20-something. Even the fit older folks had saggy skin on top of their musculature.

In Los Angeles, there is such an incredible amount of pressure to be beautiful and to defy age. There is makeup that touts its age defying qualities. How are we ever supposed to get comfortable with who we actually are if we are constantly being bombarded with messages that tell us that we can be someone better. If you had the power to make yourself a better person, wouldn’t you be just a little bit angry or disappointed in yourself if you chose to keep yourself the way you are?

That message, that you’re fine the way you are, but with some money and time you could be so much better, is killing people in this city every day whether its in the form of a botched surgery, a suicide, steroids, an overdose or an eating disorder. Yet I still look at the photos in Vogue, I still beat myself up over my size, I still sometimes think that if I had a million dollars I would call all of those whiteners, straighteners, plumpers and sculptors and shell out everything I have for the "perfect" body.

I heart SnB

I was wondering when I would get a negative comment. I was kind of looking forward to it. Unfortunately, “Anonymous” - if that is your real name - didn’t quite get the point of my post and therefore doesn’t really merit my first negative comment award.

Too bad. Perhaps my first, “completely missed the point of my post” award.

Ooh - my negative commenter saw fit to bitch at Annika. No effing way. No more anonymous comments. You've ruined it for everyone (mom much?). I have no problem with negative comments AT ME. I'm the one who writes this blog and I appreciate dissenting viewpoints but no one gets to take cheap shots anonymously.

Anyway, on to other issues. Hmmm, the joy of Fresca? No. How about the joy of being an original, just to hammer home the point. Boring... Sex? Drugs? Rock n' Roll? No. Not on Thursday and never at dusk.

No, today I would like to wax on about the joys of Stitch n' Bitch.

In April of 2003, I showed up at the UnUrban Cafe on Pico and 33rd. I was extremely nervous.

I thought maybe no one would like me...
Maybe I'd be the only crocheter (it turns out I was!)
They'd all laugh at me.

Damn if I didn't keep coming back and found some of the dearest people in the world. In fact, when I'm being all conceited and shit, I can actually say that I kept Stitch n' Bitch L.A. going after our original girl (OG) Vicki Howell (now host of Knitty Gritty and a very fun chick) bailed on us and moved to a far off land (Austin, TX).

Everyone I have ever talked to has felt the same way. The first meeting each one of us was scared shitless and each of us that has stayed sat down, got comfortable and found that we pretty much were all on similar wavelengths and we all had an eensy little problem with yarn.

In the last three years I have met chicks like Ellen who totally wins for most yarn EVER!

People think I have a lot of yarn. And I do. But not like Ellen (love you!).

I met Allison and Shannita, my fellow moderators and now, both are yarn store owners!!! I also met Sara and Peigi and Sara and Laurie (who received a mention in the Wall Street Journal today!) and Sarah and Lori and Darcy and Carla and Uccellina and Patrick and Jeffrey and about a billion more! Because of Stitch n' Bitch I got this blog started, I've made a billion hats and taken a couple of classes.

Today I am having a crappyish day but tonight I am going to SnB West Hollywood and I'll laugh and work on projects and forget about my crappy day. Much better than heroin any day.